I’m on vacation…three days of hanging out with my best friend from high school and college friends. It will be a slice of Americana. Going to a high school battle of the bands, homecoming parade, homecoming football game and then going to a dinner with the president of my college alma mater (I’m sure there will be plenty of other folks at the dinner).
I love Delta. First of all, I bank up my frequent flyer miles just for using my debit/credit card. So my trip cost me all of $36 plus $50 round trip for luggage. The crews are experienced and pleasant. After settling in on the short trip, the flight attendant came around and asked if we wanted refreshments. Of course…and there it was…Diet Coke and the Biscoff cookies….breakfast of champions at 7:15 am. Then, to what do my wondering eyes should appear? It’s the Sky Mall magazine. I always love going through this publication. I sit and wonder what I can invent that could make it to this magazine. From cat toilet training systems to faux tattoo tops. Do the brilliant ideas ever stop? Oh wait, you can even get the LIFE SIZE Bigfoot aka Garden Yeti for just $2,250. Ok, how do the makers really know what “life size” is anyway? Toward the end of the flight, we experienced turbulence that would match a good ride at Disney. There was even a lady who was screaming out of fear, much like you would hear on rockin’ roller coaster. There were laughs and gasps and I just closed my eyes. I figure maybe she wasn’t nervous, perhaps just sitting next to a LIFE SIZE Yeti imitating a passenger.
The Atlanta airport is quite a mix of people much like Orlando…ok, in Atlanta, there is a more business cosmopolitan feel where Orlando seems more touristy. Not that touristy is bad, it’s very good for the local economy.
I boarded for the next leg of the journey to Kansas City and YES…nobody else on my row. I’m now on the flight from Atlanta to Kansas City and there is a guy who looks like Samuel L. Jackson and I’m thinking to myself could it be him? Then all I could think about was the movie snakes on a plane with Samuel L. Jackson. Now, with that said, I’m in the back of the plane next to the emergency exit. I’m thinking will the sketchy looking guy in the seat in front of me who keeps nervously looking around try to make a break for it? Will I have to play Air Marshall and thwart an attempt to open the door at 30,000 feet? After a fleeting thought of being sucked out of the plane with snakes mind you, I pause to catch another glimpse of the Sky Mall magazine. (Say it with me in the announcer type voice)…”Sky Mall Magazine.” It’s like a bad car wreck, you just can’t help but look. I open it back to where I left off on the first leg of the journey and there it is…operators standing by to take my order. It’s “Bigfoot, the bashful Yeti” tree sculpture. It’s the bust of Bigfoot peering from around the tree. Makes me want to plant a tree just to have one. Oh, but then the home association may condemn us like they do for an a/c unit not quite cleverly concealed enough. Maybe I will opt for the LIFE SIZE garden Yeti just to ward off those pesky people down the street. Maybe to “piss them off” I will opt for ordering the “Peeing Boy of Brussells” statue and fountain. An iconic 400 year-old replica…I will plead “art history.”
Saved by the flight attendant passing by….”drink?” she asks. Tempted to order a Jack Daniels like the woman across the aisle, I remain steadfast to the Diet Coke. The Biscoff cookies are sitting there waiting for me but alas I will eat the generous portion of pretzels in a bag first. I will save the Biscoff’s for a midnight snack when awakened from a bad dream about being sucked from a plane with snakes, garden Yeti’s and cats using toilets.
Here is to my adventures in rental car land next….